Hmmm haven't done this in a while

Hmmm so I haven't done this whole blogging thing in a while. Not really much to update. Still surviving our first deployment, Lucas is still driving me crazy, I still have no life without him here, and I haven't quit smoking yet. So with that being said, I shall blog about random thoughts HAHA.
So I'm going to my first Army wife get together thingy..no not an FRG meeting...we are going out to eat this Friday. Nervous? HA...more than slightly. I hate the feeling of not knowing if people will judge me or like me. I know I typically don't care what people think about me or if they like me, however, these are ladies I will have to talk to and see for quite some time....so it' be nice to able to at least talk to them. Blah...this is almost as bad as going on a blind date...I'm sure it will take me at least an hour to figure out what I'm going to wear. Then another hour trying to talk Lucas into not embarrassing me in public. Oh, I'm sure while I'm driving to meet them, I will probably smoke more cigarettes than I typically do and be worried the whole time if I will be fit into a certain classification because of all of my piercings, tattoo's, and the fact that I have a 6 and 2 yr old and I'm only 21.
It amazes me that all of these thoughts come to mind, however, I'll never give the slightest hint in person that any of it bothers me. Got to love that hardcore outer shell haha. You'd think after being a mother for 6yrs, I'd be use to being labeled but, honestly it never gets any easier.
(Btw, you have to excuse me jumping around...if anyone is reading this...because I'm just going along with my current thoughts.)
So, I'm not going to lie....this deployment is alot harder than I thought it would be. But, it's different than anything that I've ever experienced. It doesn't make me want to give up. It makes me want to push forward. The hard part is missing him, not being able to call him, not being able to see him, not being able to feel his touch, not being able to look into his eyes and tell him I love him and would do anything to stay with him forever. As hard as this may be right now, I'm sure that in the end this will all be worth it. Every tear I've shed, every night I've laid in bed thinking about him and wishing I could be in his arms, every moment I feel lost without him.......everything,  will all be worth it when he finally comes back and I can lay in his arms all night and just embrace his presence.
Well, that's enough for tonight....I need to write his nightly letter and once again confess my undying love for him. It's amazing what love does to you...and I hope I never lose this feeling.

I love you Henry Sauer!!
xoxo